Life Wants You Dead

A BOOK TO KEEP YOU SAFE IN THESE ANXIOUS TIMES: Anxious and fearful about the state of the world? Friend, you are not frightened enough! Never mind the asteroid hurtling toward Earth. That bird over there? It’s just waiting for the chance to swoop down and peck at your eyes. Your shoelaces? Trying to strangle your feet. From the stop signs obviously attempting to dead-end your life to that creep in the mirror who looks exactly like you, danger is everywhere. And your best survival strategyis to be afraid of everything at all times. SEVEN SCARY CHAPTERS TO KEEP YOU COMPREHENSIVELY APPREHENSIVE:- Your Body: It Isn’t a F*cking Wonderland, John Mayer – Love: They’re Trying to Steal Your Heart !!! – Home Is Where the Harm Is: You’re in a Hallway to Hell – Go Go Gadget Death: Surviving the Techpocalypse – The Hippocratic Hoax: Defeating the Medical Menace – Mind-Fucked: How Education Kills – Be the Fear You Want to Flee in the World THE BOOK ITSELF IS A THREAT: With pointy hardcover corners, pages that could slap you, and a removable foldout Fear Map ready to strike at your nerves from the book’s inside back cover, this humor book is unsafe to buy for yourself or to give as a gift to everyone you love. Perfect for:- Comedy fans of The Onion, ClickHole, The Daily Show, and Last Week Tonight with John Oliver – Fear-ridden readers of The Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook – Anyone in need of a laugh in these anxiety-driven times